It Starts with Confusion & Ends with Love
I cry… and I feel pain; name it heart pain, body pain, brain pain (from all the thoughts) and not only this... I feel a burn in my heart and soul... I feel all the negative emotions from being afraid to being lonely to feeling like I am suffocating to any feelings you feel when your life is just turning upside down and you feel so lost, confused and you have no clue where it will take you... and right now that’s all what I am feeling!
Knowing that you deserve the best is important, but what is the best?!? Who determines what is the best? Or the meaning of BEST?! Who determines what can you live with and accept? Is it you or the society around you?! If it’s you... then why is there always a constant battle between your brain and your heart and your intuition and your ego and your gut! And how are you going to determine that when you are made out of a lot of entities and each wants something and feels something different... and then scientists & scholars tell you “your gut knows when something is off” but again they tell you “your gut will react to your own negative thoughts and give you anxiety so you can stop these negative thoughts and stop worrying about something that might never happen... so stop the thoughts so your stomach can relax”... OH GOD!! Sometimes it gets too much... to much to handle, to much to process and to even Live... because of course you will accept whatever happens with you as there is always a lesson and also you have to accept as you have no other choice; it’s not like you have a time travel machine to change what happened... and even if you have one you will pause & think of the ripple effect because what is meant to happen will happen in any way! Maybe what you are facing right now is just the best scenario!!
I know... I know... it seems like I’ve lost my mind and I might be angry at the world now! So what if I lost my mind??!! Well it’s okay! I get to be angry at the world every once in a while, I get to express and feel and complain now since everything doesn’t make sense yet! And I am sure I will be grateful & thankful once it does start to make sense... but now I AM TIRED... and I know I am not alone... I know that a lot of you feel this way too... I know that sometimes your heart becomes heavy and your body becomes so weak and you start to lose interest in living for a moment in time and lose interest in people because everyone does something stupid or say something hurtful and no one knows how you feel, really feel, from the inside... how you see your spark dimming day after day within you. “Not to worry thou” my positive mindset says “when did things not go better than it was?!”... I know that and again I know, it’s just that I am tired!
“Why is it that I’m tired” I ask myself... is it that I can’t let go? Move on? Is it that I don’t really Understand what happened or is happening?... why do I have the need to understand things?... it happened anyways and I need to accept and just move on... why am I not being able?... is it my intuition telling me to have a little more faith in all of what is happening? I don’t really know?! I really don’t.
They say love heals all wounds... does it?! Thinking deeply about it, I guess it does... what is Love? Define it... it is the intense feeling of affection, and what is affection? It is a gentle feeling of fondness & liking... so how do you treat someone you Love or have an intense feeling of liking?! The sensible answer is Gently, and the usual answer is to say that you would do your best to show them that they are understood, trusted, accepted as they are, treated with kindness and benefit of the doubt... that’s only scratching the surface of how you treat someone you love... so imagine when you treat yourself this way, and then treat others this way... wouldn’t that be soul healing?!... baby steps... small steps that’s all what it is...
The mind doesn’t always have your best interest as the ego most of the time invades it’s space (You have to be really conscious about it)... and when you train your mind to be kind not only your heart, you will start to grasp the meaning of harmony and peace... when the heart and the mind are aligned the soul is also... and then all these unwanted thoughts that give your gut that anxious feeling will also disappear... trust your heart it will always give you what you need, at the least it keeps you alive, imagine what it could do at it’s best… trust that it will NEVER fail You...
Love always,
